Thursday, February 18, 2010

Ugly, Part Deux

Here are my final entries for Chelle's Ugly Contest. First off I had to go out in the den and get this beast. Have you ever heard of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas? Well I'm pretty sure this lamp was a prop in that movie. If it wasn't, it should have been. Notice the beautiful plastic covering on that behemoth of a lampshade. The yellowed tape holding together a tear in it. Hideola at its best. And you can't tell so much here but this lamp is enormous, adding to its ugly charm.

Here's a close-up:

Next up, two torsos making out. It speaks for itself. If you've ever seen those little porch decorations of creepy looking kids- these two are their parents.

And according to the rules that would finish up my three entries (My first one can be seen in the previous post). But she did add that more could be added at her discretion. So here are my potential extra entries, depending on whether she finds them hideous enough or not.

Potential extra entry #1: Dream Pet Octopus. She was a crane machine prize.

Potential extra entry #2: The fake wood panel and gold doorbell cover in our hallway. It's been here since the 1970s obviously. See the loving details of dust and cobweb. Yeah. I haven't gotten around to ripping this foul thing down yet. (Or painting our walls something other than dingy white. We've been here two years. That's bad.)

Potential extra entry #3 is a proud canine statue. The wallpaper adds a little flair to this display, no?
Potential extra entry #4: Then there's this fine piece of jewelry I've had for years. It's too hideous to throw away. I had trouble getting a good picture of it, but you can see it says "I Got Cents." The best part is that it has a single penny in the center, so really it doesn't have cents. It has one damn penny, which is at least three times what this bracelet is worth. Cheap, ugly AND bad at math. Timeless. I like to wear it with Chanel no. 5 a tasteful couture piece.

Here's a closer picture so you appreciate the cheap tackiness.

So, that wraps up my entries for the contest. I wish I could have found some of my finer pieces of hideosity, but alas. Wish me luck.
(And Michelle- PICK ME!)


Buzzardbilly said...

Now, you've gone and done it! I'm itching to share some of my truly tacky trickets too. But, I want you to win. I may have to share some non-contenders when the contest is over because I've got some serious tackiness in my collection. BTW, I think I know someone who still has a lamp like that. They still think it's gorgeous.

Buzzardbilly said...

*mary*, I'll make a deal with you. I'm finding the urge to share my tackeriffic collection of tackiness. If I do and anything of mine wins, that sock zombie is still yours. Deal or no deal? If no deal, I'll share them as non-entrants to the contest in the spirit of appreciating art that makes you go "huh?" C'mon over and relive the bee-yoo-tay that is Real Fur Tiger With Spring Kittens. Not entered. Not linked to Chelle either until I hear from the rightful winner of the sock zombie.

Constructive Attitude said...

The octopus is cute!

But the torsos is a little weird.

Mindy said...

I am afraid your fine judgement may have failed you this time! The dog should he been a first choice. That poor mongrel is gonna give Violet nightmares.

Chelle said...

I thought I'd commented on this? Maybe it didn't stick. Anyhow, Thanks for participating in this! Seriously hilarious.

Laoch of Chicago said...

You have some pretty epic stuff.

t i m said...

That 'I Got Cents' bracelet is pure classy :)

Ciervo Pequeño said...

If that wheat penny is real, that bracelet is worth at least $0.02 maybe even up to $0.04 depending on the year it was minted. So, maybe the creator just was an avid coin collector and understood the penny's true value.


Also, I'm really sad that I had this information swimming around in my brain just waiting for an opportunity to barf all over someone who doesn't care. Sad, but not surprised.

*mary* said...

Ciervo- I do totally care! I love info!

t i m- It IS, isn't it?

Laoch- thanks! Epic it is.

CA- I know. It's called a Dream Pet and there a bunch of weird ones. I also have the poodle and a mouse stuck in a block of cheese! Lol.

Buzzardbilly said...

mary, my e-mail is on my profile. Send me your address and I'll send you the other extra pair of Truman Capote earrings.

Sidd said...

Brilliant post. hahaha. I need that lamp.

Post a Comment