In case you haven't heard, Chelle from Coffee & Zombie Movies is having an 'ugliest possession' contest. The winner is awarded the most amazingly bizarre handmade sock-beast-zombie-thing. With receding hair line!
Point of the story? I WANT IT.
The problem is that I have some fierce competition out there in the blogosphere. But nobody could possibly appreciate that sock beastie the way I do! I have been scouring yard sales and Goodwills all over this great nation for YEARS, acquiring and accumulating items of the hideous variety.
This contest should be easy-peasy for me then, right? Wrong. All of my prize pieces of Hideola are suspiciously misplaced. I would almost suspect that someone (who also covets the amazing sock beast) had broken into my palatial House of Bad Kitsch & Hideous Artifacts of Americana and stole all my best treasures so I'd lose.
Well, I would say that, but then I'd just sound like a paranoid conspiracy theorist, and then Michellicopter would never entrust me with her amazing Sock Zombie. So I won't say that. (But I'm watching you. ALL of you!)
What you didn't know, Mr. Imaginary Thief, is that I always have some backup ugly. My basement is the Fort Knox of Hideous! So there! My spare ugly beats your top ugly any day! Feast your eyes on THIS, my first entry:
The members of awesome British rock band Queen, in doll form! Silk-screened faces! Amazing yarn hair! Look at it. Be amazed.
According to the rules I can enter three items. Watch for the other two tomorrow! It'll totally be worth it. In the mean time, enjoy this list of items that I can't find right now but would have entered fo sho... if only I could find them:
1. The Michael Jackson pet rock. A rock the size and shape of a potato, dressed like Michael Jackson with painted-on face, artist unknown. A sad loss to my collection.
2. An old alligator bag... that actually has a dead baby alligator glued to the top flap of the purse! Misplaced.
3. The evil Kewpie doll that I found washed up on the riverfront a few years ago. Someone had painted its eyes in black. It looked pretty creepy and insane, so of course I took it home.
Watch for my other entries tomorrow!