The other night I dreamed that I was making coffee in a French Press coffeemaker. Why? I don't know. I've never used one and only knew of them because in my previous life as 'product specialist' at a large coffee company, a customer would occasionally inquire if our coffee was a "coarse-enough grind" to work in a French Press.
I thought these customers were a little pretentious and annoying, but I did my (depressing) job and researched it. "Yes, Snooty Customer, our overpriced non-Free Trade coffee will indeed work in a French Press! By the way, did you realize that one box of this coffee costs more than I make in an hour? Awesome, have a great day!"
Okay, so I didn't really say that. But I wanted to. Often. Especially when some outraged customer would request to speak to me because they just arrived at their summer home and their coffee was NOT there waiting for them! I would ask them if they had informed us of the seasonal address change, even though looking at their account I could clearly see that they had not called our company to alert us of this change in locale. Or written. Or went online to make the change themselves. The rare curmudgeon would begrudgingly admit that, 'No, we thought you'd just automatically switch it for us because we always go to our summer home in June.'
Why of course, Mrs. ______! Why didn't I remember that from last year? We have hundreds of employees in this building alone, each handling hundreds of customers every single day. How could we have NOT known that it was time for Mrs. ______ , from Arkadelphia, to head to her summer home? Fools, every last one of us!
Pardon the digression, but it was actually that ridiculous. Seriously.
So, the day after my bizarre French Press coffee-drinking foolish dream we went out to our local outlet store. They have random overstock items and things like that. As I was looking through the wonderful 'Sold As Is' aisle of candles and frames, what do I stumble upon? Why yes, Dear Reader. It was indeed a French Press coffeemaker. Yes, I did buy it. 'As is', which happened to be slightly used and still smelling somewhat of cheap robusta bean.
Rather than question the strangeness of the whole thing I have kept myself busy swilling ridiculous amounts of arabica prepared in the new press. I have decided that it still may be pretentious and annoying; I mean- people who don't want their coffee made fast and in hot, practically melting plastic? Don't they know that coffee isn't exactly health food anyway? Heard of caffeine-induced arrhythmia?
However, I think I like it. Any way you look at it, there are no returns on 'As Is' items.
A day in the life in an alternative reality
1 hour ago