So yesterday as I was getting my book bag and heading out for class I look up and happen to notice something on the ceiling. It was huge and dark so it caught my attention. Also, this thing was moving fast.
Gahh! It's a spider. A huge, black, furry nightmare. As I needed to leave soon, and I certainly wasn't going to leave Violet and her Grandma to fend off this beast, I had to cowboy up and grab the Swiffer and take it on.
That was a great plan... until it turned to face me as I approached! The thing looked at me as if to say, "Lady, put down that Swiffer right now and I won't leap down onto your face".
It seriously turned to LOOK at me! I don't like killing things, even big boogity beasties, but this thing had to go. Sorry Buddha!
So I did what any mature rational woman would do in this situation: scream and run like hell! (This does not betray my sense of feminism, okay, so don't even go there!) And to make it worse I had a male friend that was giving me a ride to school come in and get the spider. I know. (Don't tell N.O.W. please. Not that I am part of any organized feminist movement, but that is just embarrassing.)
So with my karma securely destroyed along with the spider, off I went to school. Sitting in one of my many history classes listening to something decidedly not related to history, I reach over for my travel coffee mug in hopes of not falling asleep. Just then I hear the guy beside me saying, "No. No. Don't do that! Look!"
I look over to my right to see that another flipping creepy crawly spider is after me. This one was ascending my travel mug, which I'm sure he was planning to burrow inside the cup so he could be swigged down with the remnants of my robusta beans, where he would swim down and lay eggs in my intestines. I could see it in his eyes, people. They are after me!
So yeah, the guy beside me offed him. I managed to not scream in class, but I'm still going to be reincarnated as a spider, I'm sure. Great.
Here is an eye witness photo of the kitchen ceiling spider, now referred to as Victim #1.
Yes, my kitchen is a skyscraper somewhere in the UK.