Wednesday, August 26, 2009

O Anesthesia! [Blogging Under the Influence]

I've been put under anesthesia twice. Both times the doctors each informed me that I "talked the entire time". Then they act slightly awkward. Of course I do not recall anything. I've never had the nerve to inquire what exactly it is that I say, but I could tell by the demeanor of both surgeons that it was some funny shit to witness. All I have to go by is the looks on their faces in the recovery room, and the weird conversations I do recall having while coming out of the narcotic fog.

Today I had the LEEP (loop electrocautery excision procedure) surgery performed. [In other words, they doped me up and scooped out most of my cervix to remove precancerous cells.] When the anesthesiologist pushed the drugs through my IV he did it with no warning. I was lying there listening to the O.R. team chit-chatting when it hit me. [If there is an upside to having your cervix electrocauterized it is definitely the anesthesia.]

I was nervous and had not said a word up until this point, so naturally I start talking shit as soon as narcotics are in my bloodstream. First: "Wow. My tongue is really numb all of a sudden..."

"Sooooo... Is this 70's mellow gold shit piped in to EVERY operating room, or just this one? Freedom Rock! Crank it up!", in reference to the Tommy James and the Shondells that was playing. So right off I insulted my surgeon's taste in music before becoming oblivious and leaving him standing there with sharp objects. Great idea!

By the way- 'Dragging The Line' is the worst possible song to listen to as you are succumbing to a drug-induced blackout. Oddly enough, BOTH times I've been put under that damn song was playing in the O.R. No lie.

And the next thing I recall was waking from the anasthesia and actually saying "Man, Michael Jackson was on to something with this anesthesia shit!" I actually said that. Like, in front of people and everything. For real.

I dread to think what I say when I'm under. Dear lordy. It is one of those things that I am insanely curious to know, yet utterly mortified at the thought of actually hearing.

But anywhose, the surgery went well. I actually went to class afterward (which was five hours in hell I must say). This college gig is really cutting into my blogging time but I have been keeping up on your blogs as much as possible. Sorry for my lack of comments lately.

Well, I don't want to cop a B.U.I. (Blogging Under the Influence) so I shall say goodbye. I hope you crazy kids are all doing well this evening.


lucythevaliant said...

Yikes! That does not sound like fun. Am very impressed that you sat through a class after all that!

Annika said...

Wow, they put you under? I just got a shot of lidocaine in the coochie for my LEEP.

Anonymous said...

haha, the only time i've ever been reeeeally under was when i had my wisdom teeth taken out. i'm not sure i said anything while i was under, but i if i did, i wonder if it was a string of cuss words to the oral surgeon b/c he left me with huge bruises along my jaw line and a black eye. wtf?

*mary* said...

lucy- "sat through" is really all I did. And it was TWO classes in a row. I thought I was going to fall over.

Annika- When I asked you before I thought that you said they gave you lidocaine only. I was worried about being put under but really I am glad they did. I'm a big wuss and would have cried.

Millionmiles- At least you probably were unable to cuss too much since they had their whole fist in your mouth apparently! Poor girl.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Ugh. I hope you are feeling ok today.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Dragging the Line. Too funny.
Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Lo said...

I had a doctor tell me that I kept saying, "Wanna hear a joke?" Then starting one and forgetting it. He said I did it about 30 times, starting different jokes, never finishing any, until they wanted the anesthetist to put me down.
The weird thing is, I'm not a joke teller. Not surprisingly, I never remember any.

Annika said...

I didn't cry (I was young and tough) but the lidocaine made me shake like crazy and I was miserable because of that. The procedure was fine but the shaking--no good.

Anonymous said...

bring a recorder next time, that way you can hear what the dr.s are saying. listen closely for whoops, oh my gods , and of course where is that one tool.

Constructive Attitude said...

I wanna know what you said too! lol

jenny said...

haha! i remember being put under for my wisdom teeth and saying all kinds of crazy stuff.

Sidd said...

Great gods, this made me laugh. Let's hope there is never a next time, BUT if there is, strap one of those new tiny recording devices from Costco somewhere on your body. It would be 35.00 well spent. Oh, and how are you? Hope all is well.

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