Saturday, July 11, 2009

My Day, In Numbers

9: Number of times today I stepped onto my front porch, out of Violet's earshot, to scream FUCK!", out of frustration.
8: Number of heavy furniture pieces I rearranged in order to constructively utilize my impotent rage. (It didn't really work.)
7: Number of times various neighbors saw me going onto the porch and screaming "FUCK!" to no one in particular.
6: Times Violet made me laugh unexpectedly. It was her survival mechanism kicking in. All toddlers have this secret power and they only use it when you are really about to lose it. Good call, Nature!
5: Number of times I've cleaned up either pee or poop from the floor after finding Violet running naked and laughing.
4: Number of new neighbors whose first impression of my family is me chasing Violet through their freshly-purchased yard; Violet screaming and running the whole time as though I'm a kidnapper.
3: Times I've openly questioned the wisdom of becoming a breeder.
2: Minutes Violet spent in her kiddie pool, after screaming for twenty minutes for me to set it up.
1: Number of Elvis doctors I will need to recover from this day. It only takes one. (Or Michael Jackson, or Anna Nicole. Whichever drugged up celebrity you choose. Just get them on the phone for me!)

* Please note that after all this Violet actually asked for a 'baby brother'. Where she got this insane thought I have no idea. Hahahahaha! Right, kid. Comin' right up... after the pet unicorn!


Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Sorry you had such a crazy day. I hope tomorrow is a much brighter day.

Maggie May said...

I've had those days.

Annika said...

Ooh, a pet unicorn?! I WANT ONE!!

leighmo said...

When my daughter turned 1, my oldest son (4.5 at the time) said we needed to bring a new baby home, because Liv wasn't a cute, quiet, baby anymore.

I did a happy dance when I told him that the apparatus by which one brings a baby home had been decommissioned, so he was stuck with her as a baby sister forever.

I liked #4; I think we've all been there. Hell, me and my kids CREATED there ;0)

lucythevaliant said...

ugh to days like that! Good thing children are cute, cause sometimes that is all they have going for them.

Awesomeness said...

#5: I have 2 'floor pissers' myself. I don't recommend that (unless I hate someone).

Also been there with #4. Except my daughter does that at daycare when we go to pick her up. She scares the other kids.

One of the kids asked us if she was going to get a spanking. That was awkward.

Constructive Attitude said...

hahahah. violet is crazyyyyyyyy. you poor thing.

Ann's Rants said...

Ok, how did you get into my brain? WAIT. Are you MY neighbor?

You've just described my moment in time precisely.

Dear LAWRD, HELP US!!!!!!

Autism Mom said...

I feel your pain. I wish you lived closer so you could bring her over here with my little demons. I hope she chills out for a while and gives you a break. :)

Margarita said...

Aww, those days suck but are always good to look back on!

Lo said...

Boy, did this sound familiar to me. I had this weird sense of deja vu.

Bejus Cryst said...

This is adorable, even if it is sad and you need a break. Glad she made you smile though. Kids are so annoying sometimes but can be cute as hell.

Sidd said...

Hectic day, but a brilliant post! Put a smile on my face. Hope this week is a bit easier.

Post a Comment