Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Bring Me The Head of Punxsutawney Phil...

Because I am going to shoot the messenger!

If I could take it out directly on nature I would. (Oh wait- I suppose I could: use tons of aerosol hairspray and bring back big hair so everyone else uses it also, waste electricity from non-renewable resources, dump chemicals in the rivers, drive a Hummer, make Day-Glo reindeer lawn statues using endangered coral reef for antlers, burn piles of Styrofoam for fun... I'll show YOU, nature! Hahaha! Polar bears- who needs 'em?)

"My name's Phil and I'm never wrong. Pretty good for a big rat, huh?"
Picture from PunxsutawneyPhil.com
Damn, hasn't it been six weeks yet? The groundhog didn't really do anything but he is guilty by association now. I'm going to see if he can send a message back to Mother Nature for me: Suck it! In case you happen to live in a region that is somehow untouched by the wonky weather right now- the reason I am irked is that it was eighty degrees two days ago. I put plants in the ground. Last night the ground frosted and the plants are probably dead now, despite attempts to keep them from freezing.

There are freaking snow flurries out there.

I hate long goodbyes. This winter seems to be fond of them. The fickle bitch just won't LEAVE. She can't take a hint. Go! It's what is best for both of us. We'll take a break and see each other again in December, okay. Go now.




8 comments:

OHN said...

Three goddamn inches on my deck. I am ready to form a lynch mob against mother nature.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Hoping for a little blossoming soon, but frost seems more likely.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm about thisclose to putting my house on the market (yes, in this shitty market) and moving to Florida. Ugh!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

The weather is schizo. Hot and cold, hot and cold, I feel like i'm dating again.

mary evelyn said...

ahh haha, i love how you end your rant with nice, calm photos of beautiful things.

and i agree with you, by the way. puxsatwaney (however you spell it) phil better have a big body guard :o)

beaux said...

You showed her.
It was great up here today! But I am sure she's got another snow flurry to throw at us before its all over.

Blicky Kitty said...

I couldn't agree more -- Winter's a stupid ass. Bambi's mother ate my damn pea plants (all because Winter made her hungry) so she's going the way of the polar bears.

Blicky Kitty said...

Oh, and you could park your hummer near the front door and blast the air conditioner in for a real nature-killing home cooling technique.

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