By my calculations, approximately twelve minutes ago I turned thirty-one.
I don't feel older... yet.
I'll give it an hour. Maybe two.
What is that sound?
That is the sound of my body betraying me! Cells duplicating slower and slower. Wrinkles and crinkles carving their way into my flesh. I can feel it.
I'm going to go try to wash it off before it spreads!
(Now accepting fun ideas for my impending mid-life crisis! Wacky attire, hairstyles, extravagant purchases- the more age-inappropriate the better!)