- Nothing is worse than the smell of summer sweat, unless it's summer sweat doused in a gallon of cheap patchouli oil. I discovered this to be true when I was stuck for five minutes in a slow elevator at work with three "street kids" (translation, specific to these guys: self-exiled suburbanites looking for new ways to torment their affluent parents by sleeping in the park, not wearing shoes and growing out dreadlocks.) One of these fine catches dated a coworker; a smart girl I actually liked. He was later banned from entering the building after being caught on video urinating in that same elevator.
- People on LSD say the darndest things! Now that is a show Bill Cosby should host. Some of my favorites include these gems: "Do you think this fish needs watered?" (The person who uttered this classic had spent half an hour looking into a goldfish bowl, mind you.); and "It's raining... does your umbrella have batteries?" C'mon, who amongst you hasn't been the designated sane person for a bunch of tripping freaks? What's that? Okay, maybe I did just hang out with losers.
- In my freezer there is a plastic bag containing what we call "Zombie Beans." In actuality they are just refried beans I made one day. They were bestowed with this strange moniker when Jeremy found it so odd that I would freeze refried beans that he felt compelled to ask WHY I was doing it. Rather than tell the boring truth (Why waste food? Beans take along time to cook, and that's IF I remember to soak them the night before, etcetera) instead I said, "This is so we have food when the bodies reanimate. If you aren't one step ahead, you won't even make it through the first wave of zombies, man." I know I won't be fighting zombies to get into Kroger for my beans, fool!
So there. If you bothered to read this, does it feel like your brain just ate a Twinkie? If so, my job here is done.