Tuesday, December 2, 2008

How I Know the Universe Hates Me

  • Last evening, while sporting unkempt hair and a "wifebeater" undershirt in place of a real shirt, I answered the door not to my expected guest (Jeremy's mother- who wouldn't be shocked to see me like that), but to two young Mormon missionaries. The more talkative one was of Korean lineage; which I point out because his name was Elvis. Rather than take my word that, "No, we aren't currently looking for a religion," he said he'd like to come back when the "man of the house" was in. How very unlikely.
  • I barely brushed against my coffee mug, which of course is on the computer desk. It actually leaned, paused as though it were making a decision of whether or not to topple and completely soak the keyboard below, or sit back in place. Guess what it did?
  • My neighbors have went all out decorating outdoors for Christmas. That's not a bad thing, right? Well, it wasn't the first night or two, but now the Griswaldian glow of the lighted nativity scene, deers, trees, hedges, bushes, and... well there is more but I can't see past the glare of the front line of decorations to describe what is behind there, but anyway it is bright enough to be headache-inducing. Even with the blinds drawn. It has blotted out all the stars in the sky, and right during the only time for the next fifty years that Jupiter and Venus (and a crescent moon!) are visible together in the night sky. Bah. Humbug!

9 comments:

Blicky Kitty said...

I know the house lighting thing makes me nutty because it's such a contest. My daughter asked me why we never put lights up and I told her "because it's really expensive and mumma and daddy would rather buy you presents." I mean, that's not even remotely true. They're getting cheapo presents anyway, but I just wanted to take the moral high ground from those electricity hogging, starlight blocking, house lighters.

Oh, and Mormons go right away if you prosthelytize their arses right back. "Actually we're with the Hari Krishnas would you like to see OUR literature?" Or maybe you could only respond with questions about the Osmonds.

Autism Mom said...

I think it's a family thing; I woke up this morning with my left eye almost completely swollen shut and an itchy rash encompassing most of my body. This in addition to having been sick non-stop since October 30th. (among some other sucky things that have happened recently...)

We're related to Al Bundy and Charlie Brown...

Hot Belly Mama - taking it all back said...

two solutions for the unsoliticited visitors. One: a shot gun. Two: bark at them like you're crazy.

Annika said...

There should be a fucking law. No blinding Christmas lights. And no toppling coffee cups either. I'd suggest outlawing missionaries but they are awfully cute sometimes.

oslowe said...

I'm a big fan of inviting the Missionaries in for a nice big glass of something alcoholic, and explain to them that my religion requires all guests imbibe or they are insulting my faith.

Love yr blog by the way. I fell onto it from noirbettie's.

Constructive Attitude said...

LOL at the Mormon missionaries..

minerva1822 said...

dude...my family on my moms side is mormon..how dare you talk about them?...hahaha...j/k...growing up i hated it..as a teenager i avoided it and despised it..my mom would try to get me to go to church on sundays i would tell her noooo and go into why her religion sucked donkey balls...a couple years ago, my mom tried to change my mind again by sending the door nazies to my house..dude they were stalking me...they would knock at least 4-5 times a week...it got to the point i would hide across the street at a friends house to get away from them...it was pathetic..i finally called the church myself and told them not to send anyone to my house that i would rathe burn in hell than listen to nonsense for a hour....the universe doesnt hate you i promise :)..it just decided to pick on you..lol

*mary* said...

Jeez, Ina. I didn't say I had a problem with Mormons! You took it to a whole new level! No, I just didn't appreciate being told that they'd wait to speak to the "man of the house" instead of taking my word for it. (And they were MAYBE 18 yrs old, if that.)
Plus I answered the door in a wifebeater with my hair sticking straight up. Kinda embarassing.

minerva1822 said...

dude i was kidding...lol...i know you dont have a problem with anyone..and if it was me i would have told them they WERE speaking to the man of the house because thats the way things go in YOUR house..not to mention i would have asked them what age they were living in to assume that someone in the household over rides the other..fuck that....and dont be embarrassed about the wife beater or the hair...you should see me half the time..i accidently a couple of months ago forgot i wasnt wearing shorts around the house..just underwear and answered the door to my landlord..quite horrendous..you dont need to impress them or anyone else, your a momma :)

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