- Spend a second consecutive morning looking for, and attempting to capture, the fugitive chinchilla who mysteriously escaped his new cage. Violet was the only witness, and she's not talking. This will take at least two hours because every time you almost have him Violet will be sure to give an otherworldly, ear-drum popping shriek.
- Have the four separate foods you so lovingly prepared for your child's breakfast all thrown onto the floor and/or in your face, uneaten.
- Retrieve the black Sharpie that your child insisted on writing with (and you were too tired to fight about) after the writing quietly migrated from the coloring book to the cedar chest, then the couch, and then to said child's hands and stomach.
- Now retrieve your cellular phone from the bottom of the bathtub that you just filled to wash off the aforementioned Sharpie-stained child. If this is a Rorschach blotch test, all I see is ANGER, Doc.
- Disassemble cell phone and prop it in front of heater. Hope for the best.
A day in the life in an alternative reality
1 hour ago