"Not As I Do," An Allegory

This is the tale of a smart young woman (that's me!) who made some very bad decisions in her past. Or, as fairy tales often say: Long, long ago. In real life it is morelike ten years ago.

Lesson # 1

Never marry someone you barely know, especially when that big decision is based on an LSD-induced "epiphany." Extra-especially when that person (represented below by the drug-addled clown) is nearly twenty years your senior. It can't end well. (Brought to you in AcidVision!)Lesson # 2

If you fail to follow the wisdom of lesson # 1 and you do find yourself married to a drug-addled clown neary twenty years your senior, by the gods, man, DO NOT file a joint tax return! You will find yourself responsible for the old clown's tax debt years after the marriage is over. Drug-addled clowns, even those with careers and the facade of "community respectabilty" are notoriously bad with finances. When it comes down to either paying taxes or buying OxyContin from little old ladies, the clown will choose OxyCoffin every time! Take heed.

Lesson # 3

When you have finally extricated yourself from the grasp of the psychic vampire you found yourself inexplicably married to, stay away! He will attempt to use his codependent logic to draw you back in. Remember, it takes two to be codependent! Run! Run far!

When you see him feeding pigeons (or is he capturing them to eat?) with the other homeless people and junkies in the park do not look his way; He'll take it as a sign that he can ask you for money.

When you hear that he is incarcerated- because sooner or later he certainly will be- laugh! Laugh whole-heartedly while you reflect on what a bitch karma truly can be! Hahaha!

So, please, do as I say. Not as I do!