So, I'm feeling like a pirate and not because I've been illegally downloading music (because I haven't!)
No, nothing so fun. It's actually
because
a cat BIT my eye! It was on my chest purring one second and then with no provocation the next second my eyelid was being stretched out from the inside by its enormous cat fangs. Ouch. Yes, it hurt like hell.
So I spent last night at the emergency room because it was the only medical facility open at the time. I missed the much quicker and cost-effective option of Urgent Care by four minutes, and they wouldn't see me. (Bastards!)
My eye was dyed orange and inspected under ultraviolet light. Doctor's diagnosis: deep corneal abrasion. MY diagnosis: man, life sucks sometimes.
I was given topical antibiotic ointment and "one sexy eye patch." (That is the nurse's words. Um, he lied!) No, they didn't give me a color choice. It's an eggshell brown color with ventilation holes. I realize that any blogger with true grit would post pictures of their eye patch, however, I have that one niggling shred of self-pride left that isn't going to allow me to do so... yet. Let me just give you a quick idea of what it looks like, though. Okay. See this sexy pirate chick?
Well, it looks a lot less like that, and much more like THIS:
Imagine the Hannibal Lecter mask cut down to fit awkwardly over one eye and that is more accurate. On the bright side my friend Jenny has offered to Bedazzle the patch to make it more appealing. I was thinking maybe glue gun and sequins, but whatever. (She also texted me while I waited to be released and told me to ask if they could cut off a hand and replace it with a hook while I was there, so my patch didn't appear so incongruous. They wouldn't.)Once home from the ER, Jeremy amused himself by taking pictures of me with my sweet eye patch on his cell phone. I'm sure all his coworkers (also my former coworkers, mind you) are just going to love them.
So, in case I haven't commented on your blog in the past 48 hours, just know it's not because I don't care. It's because I'll be looking in the mirror (with my good eye) and practicing my "Hello Clarice."
The moral of my story: When life gives you an eye patch, get a peg leg to go with it.
Oh yeah- and don't pet cats with a known history of surliness. You may get a tooth in your cornea.
