Nifty, Nerdy!

I found a use for the old boxes and obsolete calenders we had lying around, which was to repurpose them into some (ghetto fabulous) storage spaces for Violet's splendid collection of random toys. I used the changing table, which hasn't been used for changing diapers in a loooonnnng time, as the shelving.

Yeah, I know I'm no Martha Stewart, but the plus side there is that you don't have to listen as I say "pussy willow" in that self-satisfied nasally tone about a million times!

I Have My Own Theme Song! Dig It!

You know, I have always secretly wanted to be one of those hep cats you see in movies (usually from the 1970s, with "exploitation" somewhere in the description) who have their own theme music that follows them everywhere. You know when they walk into a room before you even see them because their signature background music starts in, seemingly out of nowhere. Shaft comes to mind. (Can you dig it?)

I was thinking about this a moment ago when I realized I do have my own theme song that follows me. It's more aptly categorized in the ambient/ techno/ industrial/ noise genre, but a sort of music all the same. I must have become inured to the dizzying melody, like people who live by the airport eventually become accustomed to the roar of the planes taking off in the middle of the night.

Since I can't come visit all of you and let you hear this fabulous tune firsthand I shall try to describe it for you:

Rhythm: The constant pop and snap of aging bones, complimented by the syncopating downbeat of creaking joints; The spinning, clanking and whirring of clothes as they alternate from the washer to the dryer in a heady endless cleaning cycle.

Vocals: the banshee-like screams of Violet, punctuated by the random coherent word she'll say in English. Stray cat meowing, chinchilla scurrying.

Percussion: The rap, rap, rap of various religious proselytizers knocking at the door; The sound of my soul not being saved as I turn them away. Toys being hurled across the room at random. Spoons hitting the floor. The rattle of pills in a prescription bottle, as I reach for a Mother's Little Helper. (Wait... that one was just an auditory hallucination. Wishful thinking. For some mothers, there are no little helpers!)

Alright, that just scratches the surface, There are at least thirty more constant sounds I cannot even distinguish at this time. Let's just say that my theme song makes Phil Spector's "Wall of Sound" look like a one-man street band, okay? (Plus, he's just about the only person I can think of whose hair is worse than mine right now.)

Books, Cats... Great Day To Be A Geek!

Today I received three pieces of mail. First, the bad news: the IRS says they need me to sign my form before they send me my refund (although I clearly remember signing it, and the jerks I paid to do my taxes surely would have noticed, right?) The second was a book (Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs) from PaperBackSwap. Good thing, because I was ready for a new book. I read his other book, Running With Scissors, last week and it was pretty good, in a sick kind of way. Apparently there is a movie of it and everyone else on the planet already read it like two years ago, but I don't keep up with trends. I live in West Virginia. You're lucky I can read, people.
But I have saved the best for last, just like that horrible song everyone always plays at weddings says. The third piece of mail was Everything Is Wrong With You: The Modern Woman's Guide To Finding Self-Confidence Through Self-Loathing by Wendy Molyneux. She sent it because she was so very dazzled by my wit that she thought I needed a prize. (okay, really I was runner-up in a contest on her blog in which she asked readers to name fictional book titles for people with low expectations. I changed Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations" to "Realistic Expectations.")

Also, an unexpected visitor showed up this afternoon. He, or she- I haven't checked, came running across the street while I was outside. I treated him or her to chicken strips and a bowl of water. Last I checked he or she was still sitting on my porch. Violet will be very happy to see this guest when she wakes up, which will be any time now.